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« Mastermind, Book Three | Main | FarmYard Politics! »

Dear Santa,

Dear Santa,

Wow! How do I begin? I take it you got my Christmas wish list where I mentioned how much I would appreciate a new home. If I remember correctly, ‘New House—Big One!’ was number 4 on the list right after ‘New Toaster’ and right before ‘Pet Tarantula’. I mean, don’t get me wrong. I’m thrilled! This is a definite improvement over my current 650 square foot apartment. It’s just that 13,000 square feet is a little bigger than I was expecting, as was the $29 million dollar price tag you forgot to remove. I’m certain the new twitch in my right eye won’t be permanent.

The seven car garage is definitely a nice touch. I probably should have put ‘New Car’ somewhere on the list. It appears I’m about six vehicles short, but that’s fine. I can use the empty stalls as a football field until I figure out how I’m going to pay for all the auto insurance.

You thought of everything, didn’t you! My new butler is a terrific fellow. Very friendly. Very attentive! The French chef loves her new toaster. I’m not really used to having a chauffeur, yet, or riding in the back seat of my own car, but that’ll come in time, I guess. The chauffeur didn’t mind the duct tape on the front seat at all, and we were able to successfully retract his foot from a fresh hole that appeared in the rusted floorboard before any real damage occurred. He’s also excellent at jump-starting dead batteries.

Oh, yeah! Thank you for the tarantula. Fast little devils, aren’t they? Unfortunately, the cat was faster. May I suggest, in the future, that you put these particular gifts into cages rather than just dropping them into the stockings along with house deeds and candy canes. They jump and, when one isn’t expecting a six inch, airborne spider, it can be quite scary. Never fear, the emergency room staff was able to get my heart started again.

Do I have to keep the yippy white poodle with purple hairbows? I’m really more of a cat person.

Yours Truly,

D.C. Sargent

P.S. I need to make an addendum to my Christmas list. How does 9 sofas, 12 beds, 20 Home Sweet Home plaques, 3 baby grand pianos, six more cars, and 15 new toilet brushes sound?

P.P.S What is a bidet? Oh—and I may need a riding lawnmower and a better job while you’re at it.

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  • Response
    At Chauffeur Melbourne we offer 24/7 very professional and high standard transportation service in Melbourne, VIC. For over a decade we have been offering our customers with an exceptional top notch luxury Melbourne chaffeured limo service.

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